Are you kidding me?
by Dark Sympathy
Summary: The team gets into trouble with a village when Sheppard is seen doing...what?...That can't be right...Are you kidding me? Short one-shot.


This is just a short one-shot. I just randomly thought of it and decided to write it down. It was supposed to be a drabble, but it's not even close. As I have a horrible habbit of turning one-shots into actual stories, I decided to do this quickly.

If anyone wants to take this idea and run with it, be my guest. But if you do, I would like to have a link of said story sent to me.

I hope it came out alright. By the way, two of those law are actually real, just taken out of context.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

Enjoy!

_**Are you kidding me?**_

The twin suns were shining brightly down upon the ground, their massive size filling up the sky. The ground was filled with thick grass, standing at attention, stained dark from the never ending heat. Odd tree like plants stood in formation in every which way, their prickly needles sticking out as the branches twisted and warped, as if they were reaching towards the sky.

Sweat rolled down John's face and he yet again resisted the urge to wipe it away. The vest seemed all the heavier in the humid air. The wind had long since died, leaving the air stale and dry.

The villagers they had been visiting for peace-talks stood in front of the four team members, shouting at them with angry faces all the while brandishing their weapons which consisted of rocks and sticks, and occasionally a prickly stump.

It wouldn't have been bad if it weren't for the fact that their weapons lay forgotten on the ground on the other side of the angry mob. As it was, John was keeping a pretty good eye on those rocks and sticks.

What was that old saying? _Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?_ Yeah, try telling that to the pissed off villagers.

"What the hell happened?" John hissed to Rodney.

His friend looked affronted. "Why are you asking me?" he hissed back angrily. "For all you know I wasn't the one that caused this mess!"

John rolled his eyes. "The peace talks were going great!"

"Yes," Teyla chimed in. "We had almost brokered a deal that would have allowed the scientists to examine the exotic radiation and minerals found in the ground. It would have been quite beneficial to both parties involved."

Rodney just huffed and crossed his arms. "I don't know what happened! One minute everything is peachy, the next, their trying to kill us!"

"Peachy? Really?"

"Oh, har-har Sheppard."

"Well you must have done something to insult them." John grinned at Ronon. "Maybe we can get away with just saying that we didn't know what Rodney was doing."

"Hey! That's not fair! I didn't do anything! Besides, have you seen their prisons? Their disgusting! I don't think they ever clean them."

"Here he comes," Ronon stated, interrupting another possible tirade from his team mate.

All four of them looked up to watch the leader of the village storm in, a large piece of parchment in his hands.

"He looks pissed," John commented.

Ronon grunted in agreement.

"We have allowed you to walk upon our land and this is what you do for thankfulness? You have disregarded our rules and spat in our faces. For that you must all pay!"

Teyla stepped forward, always the peace-keeper. "We are sorry that we broke your rules. We did not know we had done something wrong."

"Yeah," John spoke up as well. "What rule did we break anyway?"

The Chief's face puffed up and he held out the scroll, allowing the parchment to unravel. The parchment did not stop at the ground however, but continued some ways before finally stopping. He pointed at the parchment, but did not look at the writings himself. "You!" He pointed to John. "You were seen sneezing in the shade of a Cpha'd with the wind blowing towards it. Everyone knows that you cannot do that!

There was silence.

John squinted. "A what?"

"I believe a Cpha'd is the name for those spiked trees," Teyla reassured.

John blinked. "Are you kidding me?"

Although an ackward silence had touched their group, the villagers had become even more outraged once they had found out which 'sacred' rule had been broken. The blood thirst was even more evident within their eyes.

"This is ridiculous!" Rodney shouted. "That's the stupidest rule I've ever heard!"

"Rodney," John warned.

"No really! What kind of person thinks this stuff up? Did that person just think of it to get a few laughs?"

The Chief stiffened. "This scroll has been passed down from generation to generation containing all the rules of our village. They were written by our Founders! We have obeyed these rules for many suns and as long as you are on our land you will obey them as well!"

Rodney started sputtering indignantly as he pointed at the peace of parchment.

"What is our punishment?" Teyla questioned.

"You shall all be placed in the village cages until Te'pla arises once more!"

John froze. "Teyla, isn't that their moon? You know the one that only comes to this part of the planet every four years?"

Teyla looked chagrined. "Yes."

A fresh burst of laughter came from the other side of them breaking them out of their solemn mood. They all turned to look at Rodney who had either not heard the Chief, or just didn't care.

Rodney pointed towards the parchment. "They have a rule where no one can marry a Cpha'd!" His snorted some more. "I have to wonder what must have happened to have to actually write that one down as a rule!"

John groaned, sinking back as if trying to disappear. "Rodney, you know, the whole 'mocking the rules' isn't the best approach in this scenario!"

"John." Teyla placed her hand on his arm. "Look."

John looked out at the villagers and instead of seeing outrage, they saw wonder and shock. He turned towards the Chief who had a similar expression on his face. "Uh, what's going on?"

Chief's wide eyes turned towards John. "No one has read these scrolls in many many suns. They are sacred writings. Only the descendants of the Founders can read them."

John's eyebrows rose as he leaned over to see the parchment. Ancient writing filled the stained pages. "Huh, what do you know?"

Rodney's eyes were alit with laughter. "Look at this Sheppard! It's against the rules to eat in a place that's on fire!"

Sheppard couldn't help but allow a grin on his face. "Talk about hot service."

The Chief suddenly bowed his head before Rodney, exclaiming "All hail the Founder!"

That was answered with the sound of sticks and stones falling to the ground as the villagers dropped their weapons in favor of bowing down as well.

All four of them froze. Rodney raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"We are so sorry!" the Chief exclaimed. "We did not know! How can you ever forgive us for such an error?"

Teyla took this time to step in. "Does this mean that you will not be sending us to the cages?"

The Chief paused and stared at them. "You are not Founders." He turned back to Rodney. "What would you have us do O Great One."

Rodney grinned mischievously.

John narrowed his eyes. "Don't even think about doing it."

Eyes shining brightly in the sun, Rodney turned towards his new-found followers and spoke with conviction about the future fate of his comrades.


End file.
